In this episode, I talk about being a chronic people-pleaser and how it almost cost me something I really love - having this podcast as a big part of my life and my business.
If you find yourself in a slump, I hope this episode gives you a bit of encouragement to keep dreaming big and achieving even bigger.
In this episode, I talk about being a chronic people-pleaser and how it almost cost me something I really love - having this podcast as a big part of my life and my business.
If you find yourself in a slump, I hope this episode gives you a bit of encouragement to keep dreaming big and achieving even bigger.
Welcome to the Claim Your Space podcast. I am your host, Belinda Aramide. And I share my experiences as a multi six figure, business owner and coach so that you too can learn how to build a business and alignment with how you want to live your life. If you're tired of hustle culture and ready to start saying yes, to dreaming big, and achieving even bigger than this is the podcast for you. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Claim Your Space podcast. I am your lovely host, Belinda Aramide. And today, I just want to have a heart to heart conversation with you. It's been a little while since I have not recorded because I have recorded a few podcast episodes in the last several months. But it's been a long time since I've actually uploaded a podcast episode. And I am going to release this one before I release the other ones if I end up releasing the other ones. But you know, a big part of the claim your space community, a big part of this podcast is authenticity and just sitting down and having just a real conversation. And I want to talk about why I stopped recording podcast episodes. And it is completely different than what I thought it was and what I probably would have answered even three months ago. So for those of you that are new, this is your first episode, or maybe you missed the episode where I talked about it or to be completely honest, I don't even know if I've talked about it here on my podcast, but my dad passed away a year ago. It's a year and four days now since my father has passed and he passed away very suddenly, it rocked my world, it was surprising. It was devastating. It was all the things that happen when something really big happens to you and it unleashed a contagion on my life that I wasn't expecting. And to be quite honest, I wasn't prepared for I am so grateful for it now that I've gone through those things. And I know that it will continue to bless me with lessons that will help build up my resilience as a human being. But it was a lot. And so anyways, all of that aside it it completely changed my world in the last year. And I think that played a large part in why I haven't recorded an episode in so long. But it wasn't the reason why I haven't recorded an episode in as long as it's been. And what's interesting is someone said something about my podcast. And I took it to heart in the way that I know the person did not mean it. But it had a huge impact on me. And because at my core I am a people pleaser. I do it consciously as well as subconsciously. And I want to talk about that. But I want to kind of table it for a minute, I'm actually going to write it down because I do want to get to it. But the thing that the person had said, they said something about because they it was an interview. And so they had listened to several of my episodes. And they said something along the lines of it sounded like I just kind of pressed record and a go off the cuff. And for whatever reason I took that as like a negative thing. That it made me look like I wasn't put together. I wasn't a strong businesswoman. It just wasn't portraying me the way that I quote on quote wanted it to portray me and subconsciously. And I realized when I when he you know, when you kind of stack the timelines, I hadn't uploaded an episode of my podcast since that conversation. And that's how I know that it subconsciously got to me. And I think that it got to the core of how I've been. I'm trying to be very particular with my words, but how I've been in my life as a people pleaser. And the reason why I wanted to come back to the people pleaser note and yes, for those of you wondering, I am 100% going off the cuff but I'll explain kind of my podcast process with you in a little bit here in this episode. But I think so often we're quick to label ourselves and others right? We do it, I think it's biological. I'm sure I could find some research that supports this that we have to label and label things in order to figure out how to handle the things that we come across and the people we come across day to day, right? But I've labeled myself a people pleaser. But it wasn't until it hasn't been until the last few weeks, that I started asking myself and doing the work and therapy and the work that I do outside of therapy to understand why, like, why am I a people pleaser? How is it serving me? What's going on? What is the story? What is? How is it that my brain is wiring and firing together That brings me to a place of being a people pleaser? Because it's only once we get to the deeper part of the label. Just like you can't just label someone, a police officer, or they have to go to school and learn something and like whatever it is to become a police officer. I don't even know why I'm going down this police officer route. But anyways, my whole point is, I think that it's really important that we find out why we've labeled ourselves particular things, and then figure out if that is serving us, right? So me being a people pleaser, I know that it's not serving me. But going the deeper level to figure out where it's coming from, how has it served me in the past, and if it's going to continue to serve me in my future. And I've come to the very intelligent conclusion that me being a people pleaser, isn't going to serve me moving forward. But even more important than that, I want to reveal the reason for why I'm a people pleaser. And it's because I want to be liked. I want to be liked, I want to be loved. I have that desire, because of the things that I've been through. And so it's something that's, that's been very, very important to me. And so I've had to find ways to show myself that I am loved and I am liked. But also not to have it be a core value being liked by others, because I'm already loved. I'm loved by a lot of people, I'm appreciated by a lot of people. And I don't need to do things in order to get people to love and to like me, I can just be me. And anyways, I share with this with you to challenge you to figure out how are you labeling yourself? And then go a step deeper and figure out? Why is it that you've labeled yourself this? What has happened in your life that has made you label yourself this way? Angry, frustrated, mad, glad, whatever it is, you label yourself, and then ask yourself, is this label going to serve me in the way I'm trying to evalate? evalate? What what is the word I'm looking for? And how I'm looking to? Why do I not anyways, in how you're trying to elevate your life? There you go. I was just saying it wrong. So that's the one thing that I wanted to really touch on right now is we all label ourselves particular things. But I think we don't take enough time to go deeper behind the reason why. And also asking ourselves and giving ourselves so much grace around 'there's a reason why you've been this way'. And you need to acknowledge it. You need to give yourself grace around it and forgive yourself. It's okay, I've had to I have had to literally tell myself, it's okay that you've been a people pleaser, because it's not necessarily a part of my personality that I embrace, or I'm excited about or I want to yell from the rooftops. But it's a part of my personality that I needed for a time in my life, in order to feel safe, in order to navigate some really complicated things that I was going through. But it's not something that I need anymore. And I now release it with love. And I hope that you can do the same with some of your labels that maybe aren't as kind
and just work through those things. So that's why I haven't shown up in a little while. So if you missed me, thank you. If you've missed me, let me know. Send me an email. Find me on social media. You can honestly find me on Instagram. I don't post on Instagram right now as the recording of this episode, but I do go on Instagram. And so if you send me a DM, I will respond. So, that is the emotional reason behind why like the self sabotaging reason for why I haven't published any recent podcast episodes. But there's another very tactile reason for why I haven't posted any podcast episodes and assists systems. So for me, I live a very busy life. You've heard it before, I'm a wife, I've got three kids, I've got a business and now working with a company dealing with as their Chief Brand Officer. What else do I do? My husband's life is really busy and very hectic. And it's shifting week to week. So it makes it hard for me to have a predictable life. So I have to rely on systems in order for things to get done. I have to, this isn't something where it'd be not, no, it has to happen. I need systems in my personal life, I need systems in my kids, I need systems in my business, I need systems day to day. But for me, I don't really like systems, systems can feel very stifling for me. I can be a very creative soul, I like to feel free. I mean, it's why I started this business to have freedom over my life and be able to do things as I see fit. And sometimes, for me, systems feel like they're boxing me in. But again, that's just a label that I've given to systems because when I look at it on the other side, I can look at systems as a way to support me in the things that I'm trying to accomplish. And I've experienced that without those systems, things don't happen. So, you know, if you are someone who has big, audacious dreams and goals, but you seem to be bogged down by the thing of having systems and processes in your business, or how you go about things, because they can feel stifling they can feel like, you know, they box you in, then I challenge you to consider instead of seeing it the way I was seeing it in, which is systems box me in and they're trying to like rob me up my vibes. But instead figure out how can I create systems that feel supportive, and don't feel like they're there to just kill my vibe. And so that's the way that I'm looking at my systems and my processes is taking things from other people, but also, how can my systems and my processes help support the flow, that I desire in my life, the freedom that I desire in my life, the lightness, that I desire my life, the systems are there to support just the way that and that someone who works with you and your business is there to support the way a partner, your life partner is there to support you know? So anyways, I wanted this episode to be relatively short and sweet. So here you have it. I'm back to podcasting, because I think it is an amazing way for me to connect with you guys in a real and authentic way. Oh, and I totally forgot, because I'm going off the cuff. The the way that I do my podcast episodes is I like to have a little bit of a framework. So I've got my topic, this is what I want to talk about in my episode. And I'll do three to five bullet points that I want to talk about. And if there's any examples that I want to use to help reinforce a bullet point. But that's it. I know that there are other people who write an entire script. And that works for them. And I may evolve into being the kind of podcaster who will write a script and follow the script. But for me, that feels very restrictive. And I think that's why I just didn't feel like putting out the other episodes that I put out because that's what I was doing. I was following a system and a process that works really good for somebody else, and allows them to show up as their best version in a podcast. But it doesn't allow me to show up as my best version and to really come through with the intention that I had when I started this podcast, which is just to be a safe, chill vibe place to have conversations about building a business that's in alignment with how you want to live your life. So there you have it. That's me. If you've listened all the way through to the end, thank you so much for joining me and if you didn't, and I don't know just thank you for joining me for the two minutes, the five minutes or the 10 minutes that you have. I'm really excited to be back and I can't wait to share with you all that I have in my head. So until next time, I hope you have an absolutely magical rest of your day, magical rest of your week. Talk to your later bye!